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Humor...smiles...laughter are words we all are familiar too but in
the world of the soldier they are few and far between...There is no smiles as you blow someones head off or laughter when
an entire village is taken out by one of our missiles or bombs and there is no humor in daily reports of 42 Kia 134 Wia's...War
has always been as such and always will be till it is no more...The American GI's from the very beginning of this great nation
knew the importance of morale and in doing so came up with some of the wildest things on earth...the wit under fire is uncanny...the
dry humor would take the edge off of a bloody situation...from the signs they left to their creations...they made an otherwise
miserable situation into a bearable one...
US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, Top Gun, in lieu
of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years
of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with
Marines
without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought
the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to
actually
live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to
swim...why not?" I promise to wear clothes
that went out of style
in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of
pants I own. I understand
that I will be mistaken for the Good
Humor Man during summer, and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter.
I will strive
to use a different language than the rest of the
English-speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover,
geedunk,
scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor,
wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet."
US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, (State your
name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the
UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the
Army,
because the Marines frighten me, and because I am afraid of
water over waist-deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also
swear
not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-
riding test as a valid form of exercise.
I promise to walk around
calling everyone by their first name because I find it amusing to
annoy the other services.
US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, Rambo, swear
to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the
UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB
to
get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and
the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear
camouflage
every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure
out how to use blousing straps. I promise
to wear my uniform 24 hours
a day even when I have a date.
US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT
"I, (pick a name
the police won't recognize), swear..uhhhh....high-
and-tight.... grunt... cammies....kill....fix bayonets....charge....slash....dig....burn....
blowup....ugh...Air
Force women....beer.....sailors wives.....air strikes....
yes SIR!....whiskey....liberty call....salute....
Ooorah Gunny....grenades...women....OORAH!
So Help Me Chesty PULLER!"
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Teeth
Marks
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Date
A
Platoon Sergeant and his Platoon Leader are bunking down in the field for
the night. The Platoon Sergeant looks up and
says, "When you see all the
stars in the sky, what do you think, sir?"
The LT replies, "Well, I think of how insignificant
we really are in the
universe; how small a piece of such a grand design. I can't help but wonder
if what we do truly
means anything or makes any difference. Why? What do
you think of, Sergeant?"
"I think somebody stole the damn tent."
An air force officer goes to heaven and at the gate St Peter asks him if he has ever done anything in his
life that he believes makes him worthy of admittance to heaven. The officer flyboy replies; yes, I once went into a bar with
four of my pilot friends and saw two Seabees harassing a young girl at the bar, so being a gentleman I went up to the biggest
one and told him to leave this young lady alone. When he refused I told him again more forcefully. This time I slapped him
across the face and told this Seabee to stand down. St Peter said this was a very good thing to do and asked when the pilot
did this great act. The pilot replied; about 5 minutes ago! My friends should be here shortly!
A
guy was telling about this girl Sue who disguised herself as a man and joined the army.
"But, wait a minute," said his
friend, "She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them, too, won't she?"
"Sure," replied the guy.
"Well, won't
they find out?"
The guy shrugged. "Who's gonna tell?"
As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots
fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.
The Drill Instructor walked over
until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh,
sir?"
Military Humor...
Humor has always been a part of military life. Outside the military, humor about the services can be an acknowledgement
of the special nature of the military community and how much civilians owe to those who serve. Unfortunately, humor can also
be used negatively to denigrate the purpose and life of the military.
Within the military, under the stress of military operations or training, spontaneous
humor is a way to deal with the pressure and form bonds of common experience. As one man put it when facing the USMC Basic
School’s obstacle course, "It takes a sense of humor and sarcasm."
Therefore, there is a huge body of humorous stories -- both long and short -- and cartoons, as well as songs
and shows by comedians, all with the military as the theme and subject matter. To find examples, at Fort Leonard Wood, MO,
the Library has dedicated a big section to humor, both Political, and Literary, much of which is military related.
A marine and an army guy were at a public restroom. The marine finished first and washed his hands. The army guy
just walked to the exit. The Marine was surprised to see the army guy walking like this. So he asked to him, "Hey, in the
marines they teach we are taught not to piss on our hands,"
A navy guy
went to a bar, where he saw some guys sitting, He sat down, ordered a whisky and started chatting with one of them.
He
said to one guy, "Wanna hear a joke on Marine guys?"
The guy replied, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know
something. I'm 6'1 tall, 200 lbs, and I'm Marine. The guy sitting next to me is 6'3" tall, weighs 220, and he's a Marine.
The fellow next to him is 6'10" tall, weighs 270, and he's also a Marine. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?" The navy guy
said, "Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times."
A Drill Sergeant was
chewing out a new recruit when he asked him:
"Tell me stupid if one of your ears was shot off what would happen?"
"Well
sir, I couldn't hear."
"What if both your ears were shot off?"
"Well, I wouldn't be able to see."
"That is dumb.
Why did you say that?"
"If both my ears were shot off, sir, My helmet would slide right down over my eyes!"
"Well,"
snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman.
"I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy,
you'll
just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied.
"Once I get
out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"
FAVOURITE
SONG
Infantry: "Ballad of the Green Beret"
Cavalry: "Purple Haze"
Artillery: Anything, just play it LOUD!
Shortly after joing the Army, I was in line with some other inductees when the sergeant stepped forward with
that day's assignments. He handed several tasks out and then asked, "Does anyone here have experience with radio communications?"
A
longtime ham radio operator, I shouted, "I do!"
"Good," he said. "You can dig the hole for the new telephone pole."
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